I got a candy bar from the ER admitting clerk and attained 'great legend of the ER' status with this one:
Young Chick: I need a pregnancy test cuz I need to prove to my boyfriend that I am pregnant
Triage Queen (me): Have you done a pregnancy test at home yet?
Young Chick: Yeah I did 3 so far.
Triage Queen: What were the results of the tests?
Young Chick: They wuz all positive.
Triage Queen: When was your last period?
Young Chick: I think about 3 months ago...?
Triage Queen: Are you having pain or bleeding now? Problems with the pregnancy?
Young Chick: No, I just want to have you prove to him that I am really pregnant! (points to tall, slack jawed male standing beside her)
Triage Queen (addressing slack jawed male): She really is pregnant...!
Slack Jawed Male: I want a 'real' test done an' I don't think it's mine anyway!!!
Triage Queen (to both): The home tests are "real" and are the exact same ones we do here. We will NOT determine paternity in this ER. You would waste our time and resources to check you in right now to 'prove' a pregnancy! No pain or bleeding? (TQ points to WR full of real patients who have waited 3+ hours to be seen for REAL problems) You would have to wait all night for a pregnancy test! Don't believe her? Go to Wal Mart buy a test and pee on the stick in front of him. The + sign means pregnant! In the morning make an appointment with your OB Doc and get some counseling on the side!
Young Chick to Slack Jawed Male: See I TOLD you so!!! I'm pregnant an I'm gonna prove it's yours!! (Slaps him on the arm)
Triage Queen (under my breath as they head for the door): Good luck with that stellar choice of sperm donor...
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